[DENIED] DracoS / Beatrice Allard /dragontouched (blue)

Echo

1). Human blue dragontouched /Sorcerer/LE/0/ Beatrice Allard

2). Applying for a blue dragontouched

3). Beatrice is a blue dragontouched with very obvious draconic heritage, who raised by an old sewer-dweller and spent her formative years hanging around in Arabel’s underworld. She seeks to build a criminal power block in the sewers under her ‘Church of Celestial Raven’ (her own twisted interpretation of Tiamat) and to turn the sewers into her domain, by creating the ‘Ravens Eye’ (claiming a base under the city) for her faction. She will use her followers to gather information and tools to eventually launch a coup at the palace and put herself on the throne.

As the ‘Prophet of the Celestial Raven’, she will come across as mostly harmless and will mislead people into thinking she’s some self-deluded person with a knack for divinations rather than a cold calculating blue dragontouched up to city wide domination.

4). Beatrice’s blue dragontouched nature heritage resulted in her being left in the gutter and forced her to become secretive and manipulative to stay alive. Her draconic arrogance makes her determined that even if she was born in the gutter, she will one day rule from the Palace. Her new-found faith in Tiamat has led her to desire to create a new world order with dragontouched at the top.

Echo's Notes:

This is the 4th version of the App. I spent several hours with Draco trying to work down the mess (s)he sent in previously.
Character will have points heavily invested in bluff
I told Draco I would post it but that I promise nothing

Man in the Mist

I want to see what they come up with in the fifth version

Echo

@man-in-the-mist What is missing from this version?
There are goals (sure they're unachievable).
There is evidence of this being more than a human with extra stats
There is evidence she will try to recruit/involve others

What's left that you want to see other than "make a 5th version"?

Man in the Mist

@Echo idk I just kinda want to see it
(I'm trolling u I'm sorry)

Zool

This is still pretty bad.

(Not your fault though Echo)

The problem really is, they say they want to make a base (and have even named it!!! The most important part!!!)

Thing is... How?

What are they going to DO. nowhere in this app do I see them saying anything they will actually do in game beside exist and be cool. The player has some vague and grand idea in mind, I can tell that, but there's absolutely no real idea on how to do any of it.

Why is anyone going to ally with them? Where is the thing that will make people actually interested instead of just seeing a weird character and basically ignoring them?

This app actually say:

"I wanna make this cool character because I had this cool idea the other night, they look really cool in my mind, and I'm going to take over the world with it."

That's it.

It's a nothing burger, with shit salad on the side.

Having said that. Until we change to "real apps" (have we yet?) This absolutely meets and smashes the requirements for ECL1 races.

(Again, still not voting. I just like posting)

Echo

@zool said in DracoS / Beatrice Allard /dragontouched (blue):

The problem really is, they say they want to make a base (and have even named it!!! The most important part!!!)

There are claimable bases in the underground/sewers areas. They want to claim one. They're just going to call it the Raven's Eye.

Echo

Also, to be clear, I'm not going to vote on this app except to break a tie. I've already invested a lot of time in it.

Man in the Mist

In all seriousness it feels like a half decent concept that has pointless dragon shit thrown in to justify dragon touched subrace.

I also feel like this is going to be no different from other draco characters. They all use the same tactics of manipulating the CoG and turning them against Draco's enemies. The only difference will be a LE alignment slapped onto a character sheet.

What really irks me is the core concept is actually pretty good as a foundation. I love the idea of a rags to riches rise to power story. Get rid of the dragon shit and make it a half orc born in the gutter. Hell make it a human if it's about mechanics.

Something about being a dragon touched actually cheapens the concept imo.

Echo

@man-in-the-mist This is useful feedback. More-so than "5th version" :P

Puffy

@zool said in DracoS / Beatrice Allard /dragontouched (blue):

have we yet?

We have changed to real apps.

Gotta agree that this app is.. well, it still feels like a bunch of concepts crammed into one idea. I admire your willpower Echo, but I am still not seeing anything.. well interesting or something for other players to understand and get involved with.

SpiffyMeister

None of this is grounded in any amount of reality. What the literal fuck is the celestial raven and what does it have to do with Tiamat?

Discard the stupid dragon shit. Just be a cultist of Quorlinn.

Get rid of Blue Dragon Touched, just be a normal human or half orc as Petey said.

Echo

@spiffymeister said in DracoS / Beatrice Allard /dragontouched (blue):

celestial raven and what does it have to do with Tiamat

Celestial Raven is some .. made up name for Tiamat because being known as a worshiper of a dragon god that wants to subjugate the world is a bad thing?

@puffy said in DracoS / Beatrice Allard /dragontouched (blue):

it still feels like a bunch of concepts crammed into one idea

It is. I agree.

Puffy

Anyone told him?

Echo

not yet

Zool

It looks like they created a character and are playing it in game?

So... app not needed now?

(Unless they did that weird thing some players seem to do now, which is create the chracter, play it for a while, and ask to get set up later on, which I think should be a big no.

Echo