I just accidentally murdered a rooster..



  • Things seem a bit glum around here with the news of a fallen friend, so I figured I'd share a comical story that just now happened to me.

    I live on a 3.6 acre plot of land in the rural area of Kansas City, MO. Very rural. Think cows and corn. I'm by no means a farmer myself, but since I have a small amount of land I do dabble a bit in the odd animal here or there. Two or three cows, dozen chickens, three ducks, barn cats, and so on.. Well, about an acre away we have a neighbor who, like us, dabbles a bit. He has a rooster that comes over into our yard and causes all sorts of chaos if my wife, child, or I are outside. My neighbor is a sweet old man but he's a little dottery and somewhat of a Mr. Magoo. We've told him several times that his rooster is too aggressive and we're going to have to kick it any time it comes near our son. He laughed and said we could kick the rooster all we want.

    Well, after work just 2 hours ago, I drove home and I went out back to let the chickens out of their coop. My wife is out of town at her mothers for some mother-daughter thing.. so I figured I'd be nice, let her birds out, feed and water them, and so on. Well the minute I opened the coop up, I get attacked from behind by this rooster. Now, being blind sided by a rooster, if wearing long pants or jeans or something, is not a huge issue. I was wearing shorts because it's a particularly beautiful day, and this fucking rooster talons a gash about 4 inches tall and a half inch wide down my calf. I stand on my legs all day, I know this shit is going to hurt tomorrow. Well, I'm pissed. I try to kick him but he jumps back (they're faster than you'd think), so I'm like "Fuck you bird, I'm shooting you with my air soft gun." I have an air soft rifle, it shoots little plastic BB's.. they can't penetrate but they feel like paintballs - ala, they HURT.

    I pump the air soft up about 10 times, pop the bird, expecting to be able to laugh my ASS off as he runs full tail back to the neighbor's. Instead, he does this bizarre 45 degree angled jump in the air (he looked like a rocket ship) and flips over mid air and lands square on his head. He spasms a few odd times, and stops. Stupid bird landed on his neck and broke it. facepalm If I had been -trying- to kill the damn bird, I would have never got it done. I had a rooster myself 3 years ago that got tangled up with a possum and was mortally wounded, and he -still- dodged my bullets like he was from the Matrix. One air soft plastic BB and this damn bird breaks his neck. Go figure, and damn the luck.

    So I pretty much James Bonded the dead rooster into a trash bag (with gloves), snuck through the woods and deposited the body, plucked a good handful of feathers and then James Bonded over to the neighbor's yard, planted feathers everywhere, and came home. Fox did it.

    Star Fox.

    And before anyone asks, I suppose if having cows, chickens, knowing how to handle roosters (or not knowing), and possums makes me a hick, or a redneck, then the answer is yes. I'm a redneck.



  • That's EPIC!



  • I hope my story made some people smile, it was getting too sad around the Off Topic board lately.

    Also, let it be known that if ANY animal bites me, they WILL die.. whether I mean it or not! The track record shows it, you bite the Doc, then Death stops your clock.



  • I hope you took the rooster out of the bag before depositing it. Otherwise it will be there for a long time, and a dead rooster with no feathers in a plastic bag will look suspicious.
    Also, you might wanna get a doctor to look at your leg before you get an infection. Those talons aren't anywhere near clean.



  • You should change your name to Dr Rooster, if memory of your brave brave nemesis.



  • Damn Rednecks. This story is epic.



  • At least the rooster got some good RP out of it before the climactic battle. Might want to double check the scripts on massive damage, though. Seems a bit OP'd.

    That's just awesome. Great story. XD



  • Dat der bird yer got der. Dat bird irt purdy. Purdy little birdy.. Purdy mouth..



  • @lillesmurfen:

    I hope you took the rooster out of the bag before depositing it. Otherwise it will be there for a long time, and a dead rooster with no feathers in a plastic bag will look suspicious.
    Also, you might wanna get a doctor to look at your leg before you get an infection. Those talons aren't anywhere near clean.

    I cleaned my wound out with rubbing alcohol. It hurt, but that's the only way to be sure I didn't get some sort of bird poop disease. Not the first time it happened. πŸ˜‰ Also, I didn't leave him in the bag. I wanted a possum or fox to get him to dispose of the evidence.

    I suppose if I was a through and through TRUE redneck I would have ate him myself. :F



  • So you're the one who killed my rooster, ya young whippersnapper!

    Heh… funny story...



  • Fantastic story. It gave me a much-needed laugh



  • Just now:

    Neighbor: Have you seen my rooster around? He didn't come home last night.

    Me: Nope.



  • Did the rooster give any XP?



  • Welcome to the red neck side of the fence. While not a farmer myself, I married a farm girl and I'm also an avid outdoorsman. The folks in-law have cattle and other critters. That story of yours made me laugh until my sides hurt. You need to take your air soft rifle and your incredible luck to some of the wolves around here. (good luck) πŸ˜ƒ


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