@mr-moloch Yeah probably missed that. There was a lot to read. I know you being here talking it through is you showing how seriously you take it. I am just speaking from previous experiences because a player contacted me about this post and asked me to place my thoughts.
As I said, I am not active and have not been for some time. Thus, I did not know of the server boom as of late and I am deeply glad to hear it.
I can only speak for what I saw in the past. Most of the examples I gave likely have no precedence whats-so-ever in CoA as of 2018. Which is great! The fact that this post was made means that some of that mentality that I witnessed, is still there to some extent.
I was asked to put my 2 cents in, and I am glad, because that 2 cents got me a lot of info in return. It actually makes me tempted to come back.
As for what we can do?
Players. Don't be a jerk. Think objectively about yourself and why you are getting into each conflict. Honestly, as long as you have an IC reason, you should be fine. If you're doing it due to a competitive urge though, maybe let it go?
Or, perhaps contact a DM. I think Spiffy would totally run with an idea like this. Come up with a side character who is evil. Make him freakishly strong. Make him a challenge to beat. Then put him on the sidelines. Communicate with your DM in waiting about any players that are making big strides and need knocked down a peg or two. Not necessarily levels, but just the humiliation of getting their butt kicked. Come in as some like Sellsword that was hired to mess up their plans a bit. I'm just kinda snowballing here, but you get the idea. There are ways to use your competitiveness to benefit the server as a whole. You get some fun time 1v however many in the group. Saves the DMs some time having to come up with and prepare some big obstacle for a Player Quest, and the player gets their butts stomped without having to deal with full loot/death.
As for DM's, perhaps every other month or so, find yourself a VIP. Find a player that has been making some waves but not getting a lot of attention from DM's and scoop them up into your loving arms. Help them get going, run a few quests, and then send them on the way. Spend a month or so after that focusing on the server again, then grab up another VIP when you feel ready. I know it's a lot of work, but I feel like it will have the DM's also feeling a lot more invested in the plots going around the server. Not that ya'll aren't or anything, but we all know sometimes there are player plots that don't interest certain DM's. Following a player a bit closer for a bit of time will have you learning more about the plots they are involved with their friends as well.
The only thing about that is I know it's extra work, and a LOT of extra work if you plan to have the option for other DM's to continue the plots after your month is up. I understand how hard it is to pass off plots to other DM's at times because of all the lore and stuff you came up with.
Anyway. You asked for ideas, there's a couple for both sides.
Edit: I think the difficulty should also be buffed, but that's gonna be a decision for the more mechanically capable minds.