Neith, you also make an important point here. The question is, how do I respond to it and adapt my DMing to suit without becoming a Director pushing you in the way that I expect you to go. After all, the real fun for a DM is when you players, when given options A and B by the DM, choose option C. I am really open to ideas on how to indicate alternative options to players, but I am concerned about pushing players down my planned route.
This whole discussion needs to revolve round what you as players want to see, given the issue raised.
I've been thinking about what you said Abby, because I think DM quests are a challenge all around. As a player, I think what I have found is helpful, is when there is a moment in which the players can pause and decided what to do next, just like in PnP. Usually the players are eager to rush to the next thing, often with no plan, so it becomes a slash fest.
Harry ran a very successful on-the-fly PnP style quest for a group of us once, and it was my favorite DM quest I ever went on. We were chased by bandits, escaped them momentarily, and he gave us a moment where he told us "The Bandits will arrive soon. You have 60 seconds to decide what you will do." It was a nice breather. One of us started setting traps. I sent a PM to the DM channel and used AE to summon a bunch of wolves. Two fighters set up a perimeter. It was a lot of fun.
Similarly, I had an encounter with Gmork, where an Ogre wanted a toll before we could cross a bridge unless we paid a toll. He was a threat, but we were safe as long as we didn't try to cross the bridge. It gave us a moment to think. The hardest part in this encounter was not getting the players with me (Red Harts, of course) to charge the Ogre and slay it. My Hearald was able to barter with Ogre by offering it some flowers.
I'm not sure if these examples help or not. But I believe the two things that help players are 1) giving a moment to decide before acting, and 2) letting the players know you are receptive to an idea at the time.
For players, I think we need to concentrate on not rushing ahead. It seems most players, especially fighters, want to be the first one into the fray, and show off how powerful or dedicated they are. Remember, not everyone is built to just fight, and it's more fun to involve everyone in a cooperative plan.
I think that we're all discussing this is a good first step!