Turn a CoA quest upside down



  • A group of 6 chickens hire you to kill a man who has been chasing after them all day. Your party is polymorphed into chickens and when you go near the man he tries to follow you. You have to lead him into a back alley and then murder him.

    Aaaaaaaand go



  • Nada hires you to kill all the vermin in her house, and as you enter her bedroom, beneath the bloody sheets of her bed and spring lingerie catalogue lies the maggot writhing corpse of Nada - you decide not to tell the woman calling herself Nada back at the Guildhall wht you've found - but, she can smell it on you, like some sort of predator, and goes back with you to the house to 'inspect' your work…

    ...and then, Nada explodes revealing a dire bloated wraith beetle, which you must defeat in order to survive. Quest pay and other mundane goodies on the corpse - quest completed - you leave the house bewildered and traumatized.



  • Porry Hatter tells you to get the hell away from him or else. Upon further discussion, he screams "Avada kedavra!" and you die. Then rats eat your corpse.



  • Rats are tired of having Frin's herbs make their sewers smell so good, and just want to have their good old stench back. So they pay you to steal all Frin's kits.



  • A guard in the wilds hires you to enter an orc camp like a good commando with your special forces of good, to kill their half giant leader. You enter, you look around, darkness. you find the dark cave without a sight of anything, you unlock the door, pass a few traps, then reach a big room. Darkness is thick.

    Then lights turn on! Orcs shout "SURPRISE!" A happy birthday poster on the wall and hung from the ceiling. You have fruitpunch made from the orc shaman himself (yes the same one who spums fireballs), the night goes on with booze, lots of it!

    You wake up with a female orc in your bed the next day…



  • Shira's dog beckons to you from a back ally. Curious, you move closer to see what is going on and the dog begins to tell you that his wife is really on his case all the time. His only relief is to polymorph into a dog and hide out in the smelly old ally. Lamenting his situation and life in general finally leads to the dog mentioning that he would pay real money if his wife would just "disappear". This piques your interest so you ask for details on the woman. The dog replies, "She is right over there by that over-grown tree…"



  • The body-snatching cultists approach you as you near Dhedluk and hire you to torch the village capture some villagers for their vile rituals. You must defeat the cleric of Silvanus before you can bring some peasants with you into the forest. The cultists are pleased with your work and reward you with the blessings of Cyric for a job well done.



  • Howrak has everything in stock.



  • As your walking along the streets of east Arabel you can help but enjoy the nice sping day. A cry of help snaps you back to reality. Before you stands what appears to be a small girl. Having no idea she is in fact an evil archmage of unimaginable power, Archmage of the East Tower of the Hosttower of the Arcane, in desguise. Posing as poor Froidoc, she is in fact a spy for the Purple Wizards. It fit nicely into her plans to expand the power and influnce of the East Tower, and gain and advantage over her rival Archmages. Today she just needed a willing sacrifice, willing being the key.

    Cut to our hero, having just come to town. Young, fearless and perhaps just a bit over confident for a boy fresh off the farm. You ask her whats wrong? She tells you there is a bat in her bed room. You ask why she ran out if its only one bat? Her repy "Its a big one". Chuckling a little you tell her you will help. "I mean how big can a bat be" you tell her. She hands you the key and as your turn you miss the evil grin on her face.

    You unlock the door quietly. Step back three steps, and with what you think is your loudest scariest scream, you blast thru the door as fast as you can to suprise the bat. Two steps in you come to a dead stop as all the strength drains from your body. Your knees start to buckle and the roar turns to a scream of utter horror that dies away to a squeak.

    Before you stands the largest dragon you have ever seen in a room at least fifty times the size it should be. Your very first dragon, and you realize your last. The last thing your hear is the door shut behind you and the dragons laugh. All you can see are red eyes glowing out of a huge eboney head filled with teeth the size of small trees.

    In that last split second as the dragon rips you in two, the last vestiges of your sanity crumbles at the site of an Ancient Black Dragon. Your last coherent thought is " thats one big f*****g bat



  • You are hired to find a lost ring in a mysterious cellar. After spending fifteen hours dusting the place and removing old crates, and getting scared sh*tless by an innocent mouse, you find the ring. You are paid 5gp for your troubles.



  • Matthew sends you into the crypts to find two lost priests and you find them unharmed but mid-coitus on the well lit grave of the unknown hero below. Conversely you go to find Julie for the love-struck Oremor and discover she's been trying to create a truly only-loyal-to-her boyfriend by taking up necromancy and raising undead in the cemetery. You find her and her harem of undead boy-toy devotees in the south cemetery.

    So I went with mid-coitus and necrophilia. Glad I'm going on vacation soon.



  • DM possessed Albon approaches you and complains that his house of snakes, used by adventurers for some small xp awards and pocket change, is run over by decadent elves. You are paid to make the situation disappear.

    You enter the house, find 8 nude elven female pc's, porry hatters stick horse, shira's dog and a dead bugbear. After ripping off your eyes, you manage to subdue the group with your blindfighting skills and find a DM who can tolerate such unnatural acts long enough to ban them all.

    You are rewarded by Siamorphe, who returns your eyesight. You gain 5 RP xp and are told not to full loot the cyb0rs, for their state might be infectuous.



  • @Jupe:

    DM possessed Albon approached you and complains that his house of snakes, used by adventurers for some small xp awards and pocket change, is run over by decadent elves. You are paid to make the situation disappear.

    You enter the house, find 8 nude elven female pc's, porry hatters stick horse, shira's dog and a dead bugbear. After ripping off your eyes, you manage to subdue the group with your blindfighting skills and find a DM who can tolerate such unnatural acts long enough to ban them all.

    You are rewarded by Siamorphe, who returns your eyesight. You gain 5 RP xp and are told not to full loot the cyb0rs, for their state might be infectuous.

    lol, one can only imagine why there is a stick horse, a dog, and a dead bugbear in there with them.



  • Jarnek becomes overstocked with wood and he's having too much supply for little demand. To fix the problem, as well as not being labeled a cheap-stake, he hires a group of adventurers to mask themselves as bandits and to temporarily put his own mill out of the business. He then uses this as an excuse to overprice his wood since it is now a "violent and dangerous business".



  • @viruzz83:

    …SNIP Surprise b-day party...

    You wake up with a female orc in your bed the next day...

    This is how half-orcs happen…

    Some man outside the back of Tyche's shrine asks you to go in to the shrine through the sewers to stop a bunch of snooty priests from using the spirits of the dead in their rituals to appease Tyche. You enter to find all the priests dead and a group of adventurers appears to blame you for their demise...



  • Orcs hire you to protect their camp from marauding adventurers.



  • The customers of the pride have been complaining about cold stale bread you have been hired to confront the supplier.Who when confronted turns out to be a worshipper of talona trying to posion the cities upper class.



  • Pather Aseph hires a group of adventurers to aquire some healing resources from the local Gypsies.



  • You are hired by some evil

    ! -casting caravan guard wizards to protect a shipment of "potions" as it enters West Arabel. Then you are confronted by guards but random goblins show up and kill them, doing your work for you.



  • It's actually sunny and in the upper 60's up north.


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