Why Myron O'Connor's policies are right for YOU
Jas last edited by
Much has been said about Mr. O'Connor's bold and daring policies. Some jealous souls have called them preposterous, others have simply been too taken aback by their daring boldness, as befits the former city of Tymora and now, Tyche.
After speaking to many people in the streets I thought it might be wise to tell you, dear reader, how Myron's policies can help YOU!
Let's go through them one by one.
- Open a massive brothel in the center of the city, redecorating the now closed Pit to the height of incredible opulence and use all the tax money currently funding the militia to pay the street walkers to pop the cork of any man (or woman) who might be considering doing crime. Let it never be said that a man who gets free sex shall become be tempted to become criminal.
Here, we see candidate Myron working towards not only improving the reputation of our fair town by increasing tourism, he is also offering to support local small business owners. In addition, it is a proven science fact that men who got their rocks off are far less violent. A sound proposal.
- A massive statue of myself shall be erected in Old Town, in a grim, fierce demeanor. Terrified of my reputation, no more crime shall be inspired from Old Town.
Naturally, Mr. O'Connor is using his typical flamboyant style to convey a deeper truth: using symbols of hope can be beacons against crime and inspire men to greatness. When men know grave consequences await them, they will strive to imitate their idols. And does Arabel know an idol greater than Mr. O'Connor?
- A bounty on dragons and other mythical and legendary beasts shall be leveraged from the taxes imposed on Kraliqh and his coterie known as the U.A.M.C. A bunch of vile ticks they are, and by slaying these mighty beasts shall Arabel profit from their hoards and riches by the auctioning of their treasures to fund boring things like roads and reconstruction.
The profiteering of house Kraliqh is an unspoken secret. Taxation and road pacification by means of hunting dangerous creatures is not only a sane and wise policy, it is necessary for a safer, more stable future. Improved roads tie in well to policy #1, helping funnel more tourism and thus trickling the wealth down to all those willing to get their hands dirty and support Mr. O'Connor.
- Pink shall be the official color of Arabel.
The current colors of Arabel are drab, particularly the militia. While a certain earnestness is helpful, such an avant-garde decision is not only bold, it will also further invite tourism. Arabel will become a flourishing hub of high fashion, increasing revenue through taxes and new business venues.
- Vanos shall be appointed Warden of the Militia. She hasn't agreed to this yet, but I am sure I can convince her.
I believe nothing else needs to be said - Vanos speaks for herself.
6. The Spire shall go up for auction to whatever mage pays me the most.
A brilliant example of Mr. O'Connor's enterprising nature. Under Chancellor O'Connor, it will be wits, initiative and resourcefulness that help you accomplish things - not noble birth or who you know. A true meritocracy as dictated by a free market.
- The congress shall be torn down to make room for a Proper CATHEDRAL of Tyche, paid for on taxes imposed on faiths like Tempus, Shar, and Tyr. There is only one patron goddess for Arabel, and she is that horrible bitch!
Arabel has always been the city of fortune and good luck. Focusing efforts into proper worship and a temple that does this historical importance justice will do much to further tourism.
- I shall tell Mertoi to stop being a banite worshiping freak or I won't defend her village with my Purple Dragons. See if anyone settles in Eastway after that.
Here, Candidate O'Connor demonstrates not only his bravery and willingness to take charge. Arabel has, historically, suffered direly beneath Banites. To know we can trust this candidate to act on behalf of the city is comforting indeed.
- I'll do something about Tilverton if the High Priestess agrees to become one of my many wives.
An expansionist policy while also planning diplomatic liaison shows foresight.
- Want a job? If you pay me enough, I'll appoint you to whatever position you want. I'll even make one up for you, and tax the perfume trade to pay you to do nothing as long as the golden road keeps flowing.
This is perhaps the biggest point. In Myron's Arabel, EVERYONE will be able to achieve his dreams, if only he is forth right. With Myron, there will be NO secret corruption. Every single government is prone to corrupt officials - but centralized, open meritocracy that rewards those who work hard, regardless of birth or standing -- THIS is your path into greatness. Whether you're a tiefling, a human, a snout or a pauper -- with Myron O'Connor you can truly become anything, if you work hard on it. No other candidate can make this promise, nor has the guts to openly admit their loyalty to gold.
- I'll demolish the Spire and build a proper adventuring hall where heroes get a name plaque and a portrait of me posing heroically beside them.
A man of the people. Also, the Spire is look overdue a renovation.
- I'll tell Kanthea to get rid of her fucking demons and devils in that Tower of hers. How is this okay? Sure she might be an archmage but she is also a massive bitch. She won't even let me flirt with her. I'll put a blockade on her tower until she relents and spills the beans about the -real- purpose of her 'vigil' and let me tell you, it ain't about saving the world.
Myron O'Connor stands for transparency! That is more than can be said for any other candidate.
It's like it was stated during the debate, dear citizens: with Myron O'Connor, there'll be only two people in Arabel: winners and losers.
I ask you, are you a loser?
Winners vote O'Connor!
--Jack Masterson, Myron For Chancellor Campaign Office, Pit of Arabel