The Darkest Wand (chpt 1-44 of my novel – 2/3 done!)
-
I've been writing some fantasy lately. I'm hoping to post 1 chapter each week of the two books I'm writing at http://BenRyan.xtreemhost.com/, but I'm having troubles with getting it to work easily. But since I love you guys more than the general public, here are the first chapters of the book. I hope you enjoy!
[Book removed for publishing reasons. I will update you when the book is available for purchase.]
-
I just may read all that, but change the first line to "… nothing that Eron "could" do..." flows better. Yeah, I'm sixteen, but I'm also a know-it-all, so there.
Good luck, Wilin.
dragon
-
I just may read all that, but change the first line to "… nothing that Eron "could" do..." flows better. Yeah, I'm sixteen, but I'm also a know-it-all, so there.
Good luck, Wilin.
dragon
I'll take that into consideration. Always good to hear some helpful criticism.
-
I've read through what you've posted so far. It's written well enough that I'd like to finish it.
Overall, I like it. But as you said, there are some editing errors that need to be adjusted, but the overall story flows well enough. Nicely done.
-
I likes it.
Got a solid core.
The eternal process of re-reading, slightly altering bits and bobs to enhance rhythm, word choices, syntax and such, re-reading, slightly altering bits and bobs to enhance rhythm, word choices, syntax and such, et cetera ad nauseam… will make it lovely.Some of it reads a little matter-of-factly to me, and I think those parts could be lingered over a bit more to get the reader into the moment.
Also, I think "she asked" and "she said" come up a bit too regularly in one or two parts.
This is just one internet guy's opinion, btw, so feel free to take on or toss out, like the rubbish it is, anything that's been said.Looks like it's shaping up to be the kind of book I'd buy. :D
-
I likes it.
Got a solid core.
The eternal process of re-reading, slightly altering bits and bobs to enhance rhythm, word choices, syntax and such, re-reading, slightly altering bits and bobs to enhance rhythm, word choices, syntax and such, et cetera ad nauseam… will make it lovely.Some of it reads a little matter-of-factly to me, and I think those parts could be lingered over a bit more to get the reader into the moment.
Also, I think "she asked" and "she said" come up a bit too regularly in one or two parts.
This is just one internet guy's opinion, btw, so feel free to take on or toss out, like the rubbish it is, anything that's been said.Looks like it's shaping up to be the kind of book I'd buy. :D
The she said/she asked/etc parts got on my nerves, too. I did a half-read-through to see what I had and thought of all sorts of things to change. But I won't go back fully until the draft is done. Then things will disappear, appear, get churned over, spell-checked, grammar-checked, etc. The above text has several inconsistancies already that will be cleaned up.Thanks for reading it, folks!
-
I just may read all that, but change the first line to "… nothing that Eron "could" do..." flows better. Yeah, I'm sixteen, but I'm also a know-it-all, so there.
Good luck, Wilin.
dragon
There's flow and then there's purpose. Could fulfills the purpose better than "Would" in this case, as "Would" establishes the character of Eron as someone who could give a damn, whereas "could" makes him seem incapable.
Over all, the idea is good, I'm just not pulled in at all by the structure. Everything is very straightforward. The sentences are very solid. They don't change much. That makes the read kind of bland.
And I do apologize if you didn't want any kind of criticism. I'm a Lit Major, so my natural instinct is to analyze what I read in addition to just reading it.
Also, and I don't mean this offensively, but a Thesaurus and a Dictionary should be at every writer's side, and should be consulted to add some variance to what words are being used.
A great start though, best of luck in finishing it.
[Glances at the files upon files and notebooks upon notebooks of unfinished material in his own writing area]
-
It's always good to get feedback. I need to write a thesaurus into my program I use for writing.
I hope you get something finished, too!
-
–-
-
–--
-
–------------
-
If you've read it, I hope you've enjoyed it thus far. Feedback is always appreciated.
Sorry for the lack of spell-checking. The program I use to write it doesn't have it in yet. But I'm almost done programming in the spell-checker. My life will be happy then.
I put in a thesaurus a little while ago. It's already much nicer. I write in Starbucks and don't usually have a Thesaurus very handy. But now I have my niffty thesaurus in my program. Peasants rejoice!
-
Is anyone still reading this? If you want to see more of the story's first draft posted, let me know. I don't want to waste the space if nobody wants to read it.
I've just crossed the 100-page mark (at chapter 22). So, if you want me to post more, I'd be more than happy to.
Act I (of III) is nearly finished. There is obviously a lot of work to do for the 2nd draft, but it's looking good.
Please note that this is copyrighted material. I don't think I posted that anywhere, so I figured I'll post it here. Have fun reading it (and buy the book when I publish it! :D )
-
I'm reading it… I can't help it... free words...
I love how well the D&D/CoA influence on the way magic works fits in, too. Now I guess I'll have to read 'The Last Wish'. Anyone know if thats in English yet?
-
–------
-
–---------------------------------------
-
That concludes the Part One of the book. There are three parts total.
If you're reading, how do you like the story so far?
How do you like the characters? Any favorites?
I'll post more as it comes. Happy reading!
-
–----
-
–-----------
-
My wife doesn't like the name "Daarant" and I'm seriously considering changing it. Any suggestions?
If you haven't finished reading, here is a description of Daarant:
–--
Daarant is the oldest of the Cloaked, a secret organization that aided the Golden Knight in the attempt at destroying the Darkest Wand. He is one of the only ones left of the organization since they were betrayed by one of their own.He taught the main character, Aimee, all she knew about thievery and spying.
He is a "Verbalist," the most powerful kind of wizard in the world. Instead of using magic, he allows magic to use him. In doing so, he appears to be significantly more powerful than any other wizard.
If you'd like to make up a good name for Daarant, let me know (you can post or PM).